End of Round 1

Well, today Jake endured his last dose of IV chemotherapy for this round. He is still doing amazingly well, and I can't help but admire him. He still has most of his hair, so we're trying to sneak in some family pictures before it's gone. I'm actually still hopeful that it will continue to hold on tight, but fully accept the possibility that it won't. It's funny, with each dose of chemo he receives, his hair hangs on and mine gets more grey. Go figure.

Next Tuesday is his bone marrow biopsy and lumbar puncture. Because of the way his blood counts continue to go up, the doctors feel pretty optimistic that his biopsy results will show very little leukemic cells left. We still have to wait until after we have those results to determine the next course of action. As far as the transplant goes, we do know that 2 of his 4 siblings are not a match. We should know the results of the other 2 tests this week.

Things continue to go as well or even better than we could have ever expected. We feel so blessed. My home teacher had mentioned that he had a friend whose family member battled leukemia, and when asked about the experience, he stated that it was the greatest blessing you wouldn't wish on anyone. I have to agree with this statement. It's amazing how much gratitude I feel now. In fact, that gratitude overwhelms any fear or anger I have related to Jake's leukemia. More than ever, I feel that there is a God, and God is good. There are also some amazing people in this world. We have some of the very best friends and neighbors anyone could ever hope for. You all amaze me at how willing and able you are to help us out.  I continue to pray that you all know of our love and how much we appreciate everything. Thank you all!

Homecoming

As you may have guessed (or otherwise been told), Jake is HOME!! It's at least a full week sooner than expected. His blood count numbers and liver function tests look so good, he doesn't have to be monitored so closely! He still has to have nightly IV medication plus a bucketful of meds every day, and then we have to get one more chemo treatment next week. After that, a bone marrow biopsy will tell us if he is in remission or not, and how far that remission goes (less than 5% leukemic cells is considered remission). All I know is that right now, I'm just sooo happy to have him back home!!!

As much as I hate to admit it, this part was the easy part. The part that will be really hard is the bone marrow transplant. Then, he will have to endure full body irradiation, another high dose chemo round, and then the transplant. During this time, his blood counts WILL be completely wiped out. The scariest part of this round is the extremely high risk for infection. He will, therefore, have to be in the hospital for 5-6 weeks. This will all take place in about 2 or 3 months, so we anticipate another lengthy hospital stay around the beginning of the year.

Thank you so much for the continued prayers! We continue to feel them and know that they have helped us through this tough time!

Big Strides in the Right Direction

You always hear about the "small victories" when it comes to the fight against cancer. Well, today was full of what we felt were BIG victories! First, Jake was able to be disconnected from his full time fluid infusion. He was so excited to be so mobile. Then, he reported to me that his platelets, white blood cells, and hematocrit were up. In fact, his crit was SO close to being at normal range. This was such a big deal, though I'm sure I'm more excited about it than he is. Then finally, as we were getting ready to walk around the halls, we ran into one of his doctors who gave us permission to walk outside since Jake's blood levels were doing so well. He still had to wear his his protective gear, but it was a beautiful day for a walk. He enjoyed every minute of it.

My heart is full of gratitude today. I'm so grateful to my Heavenly Father for watching over him and giving us both the strength we need to get through this thing. Although we're nowhere close to being done with this battle, it suddenly feels like we can do this. Of course, I'm still so grateful for everyone who continues to help my family get through our days now that life has changed so much. God is Good, and all of your prayers are heard! Thank you everyone!

ThaBadDawg: Fighter

Life is different now, but we're managing. Here I am with the 4 people who mean the most to me.

Today Jake received his second IV dose of chemo. He continues to do well, and aside from a bit of nausea and feeling run down, he's tolerating it well. Tomorrow he gets an intrathecal (spinal) dose of methotrexate. I know that's definitely not one of his favorite parts, but he's still in great spirits about it. I'm still so in awe of him. I've honestly never met anyone as upbeat as he is, no matter the situation. He is amazing.

I had a friend mention tonight that in his observations over the past couple of days when he's come to visit, it appears that our marriage is stronger now than it ever has been before. I think he's probably right. Jake and I have an amazing marriage to begin with, but it's crazy how much stronger this thing has made it. It makes me realize how much we were meant to be together. I am so grateful for him.

Tonight some of the realities of his disease are really kicking in, and I'm tearful. I think we've been able to keep so busy over the past week that I've been able to focus on the fight, which is good, but I also need the time to grieve a little bit. I know it's healthy, and I know it's important to work through some of these things. I'm sad for lost vacation time, for fall activities that we were looking forward to that aren't a possibility anymore, and for simple things such as laying my head on his shoulder as we fall asleep. I'm also very sad about the strong likelihood that there will be no more babies for us, especially since I felt fairly strongly that I had one more in this lifetime. Of course, I don't know God's plan for me, and I'm trying to be patient and trust in Him and His timeline, but it's hard, especially since I really have no control over it. Sometimes I wish that I had Jake's positive outlook and confident attitude. I'm still confident that he'll make it through this and I'm trying to let that be my focus, but I still can't help but feel the sadness tonight.

All this being said, I still continue to be so grateful for all of the tender mercies that have been abundant in our lives. We truly have some of the most amazing friends and family that anyone could ever even hope for. 

A fun sidenote: Jake's shirt says "ThaBadDawg Fighter (on back) Winner" My mom made that for him this weekend. I just love it. :)

Quick Update

This is going to be just a quick update, as there's not much to report now. Jake continues to amaze everyone at just how awesome he is at kicking cancer's butt. Apparently, one of the chemo meds appears to be targeting just the leukemia cells, and his white blood cells remain relatively high. They're still lower than normal, but the doctor yesterday seemed to feel there was the possibility that his WBCs wouldn't be wiped out completely, which is a good thing. He did have to have a blood transfusion yesterday since his hematocrit dropped below 24, but for the most part he's doing amazing.

We were able to get the girls to babysit the baby tonight and Jake and I had our first in-hospital date. We rented a couple of movies, picked up some snacks and snuggled up on the hospital bed for a night in. It was so fabulous! I'm really grateful right now that Jake's such a low-key patient. We were able to watch the movies with minimal interruption, and nobody cared that we were even there. Afterward, we went for one of our walks. That's always nice, but the gloves are totally annoying when I'm trying to hold his hand. The hand condom totally gets in the way and feels weird. That's another thing on the ever-growing list of things I can't wait to change.

I'm looking forward to Jake coming home. It's so lonely here without him. I miss our regular face-to-face conversations and cooking dinner with him and all the little things we used to do. I love you babe! Hurry home!

Day 5

Jake is doing amazingly well. Aside from the occasional nausea, he hasn't had any of the nasty chemo side effects as of yet. He has a goal to walk a total of 2 miles every day (which is annoying because it's walking around the nurses station a billion times) and I think that the ability to keep his activity level up helps with the healing process and to keep his spirits up. He amazes me at how well he's doing so far. From what I understand, he may continue to do this well throughout the first phase of chemo. What's really going to be hard is transplant time. I'm definitely not looking forward to watching him go through all of that. Knowing Jake, though, he'll continue to do it with a smile on his face. He really is that amazing.

As for me, I never realized how much it takes to be the caregiver. I'm not complaining, just adjusting. I'm hoping that it won't take too much longer before I seem like I know what I'm doing. I am also trying to keep going in the same way I was before the diagnosis. For example, I had set up a couple of interviews before Jake was sick. I wasn't really looking for anything huge, but a part time job would have been nice for some extra play money. I had one this morning that I totally bombed, and I have one this afternoon that I was excited about before diagnosis, but I'm not so sure know. I'm in kind of a weird situation in the fact that Jake has an AMAZING job that is still letting him work and bring home the paycheck. So me getting job isn't necessary. At the same time I feel it would be nice to start putting a little extra away just to have, and also have an easier time keeping up my license. I'm still playing it by ear, and am confident that the right situation will become apparent.

The amount of gratitude I continue to feel on a daily basis is so overwhelming, yet refreshing. I continue to be so grateful for Jake's company and his amazing coworkers. We've received so many calls and comments and some of the most thoughtful gifts from them, as well as from many other friends and family. I'm grateful to a friend (with whom I would have lost touch if it weren't for Facebook) who thought of the things I didn't and brought me easily packed items to take to the hospital with us so Ryan and I can have lunch available. And I'm grateful for parents and grandparents who have anticipated our needs with Ryan and other things. It's not that I expect life to be easy, but these "little" things have such a big impact on how we're able to get through it. This small gratitude list is but a tiny piece of all of the things you all have done for us, and I am eternally grateful.

Jake

I remember the first time I had a conversation with Jake. It was quite non-traditional simply because we met on an online dating site, and our first conversation was through IM. I wasn't looking anything but friendship as I was jaded because of a very recent relationship that involved a lot of emotional abuse. Through this conversation, I really was drawn to Jake's way with words (as I'm sure many of you are experiencing). He seemed a little forward, but his insistence that he was a gentleman was appealing. The interest was cemented by a simultaneous mention of "alien repellent". We will never forget alien repellent, but if you asked me to recall its reference, I wouldn't be able to tell you.

Less than a week later, I was meeting Jake in person. I honestly didn't think that we'd end up where we are, but I knew that we would develop a deep friendship. In fact, in the beginning I really didn't think we'd end up dating. Over the course of the following month, I was finding out just what kind of a guy Jake is.

Those of you who know him well know that Jake is the most genuine man one could ever hope to know. He would do anything for ANYONE without a second thought. I've known him to give away money that I was certain we didn't have just because he wanted to help. (Well, that, and he enjoys writing "Mr Crowley" on all of the donation balloons/shamrocks/etc.) His stated reason for dating me initially was to show me that good guys do exist. I knew within 3 months just the kind of man he was, and I knew that I wanted to marry that kind of man.

In addition to his genuine nature, Jake has an amazing amount of strength. I've only seen him break down twice. Once was when we thought our relationship might be ending, the second was when our newborn son was on the bili lights and he was screaming and we weren't able to console him. We were devastated. I fully expected there to be similar devastation after his diagnosis, but it hasn't been there. Jake KNOWS, without a doubt, that he will beat this thing. With the amount of strength Jake has, how can he be wrong? And after reading his blog, how can you not agree? Jake's faith spills over to me, and I can tell you now that I KNOW he will beat cancer. And with the strength that is coming from all of you as well, we are well prepared.

Even though we had some crazy ups and downs before we got married, we still ended up together. I know that I couldn't be happier, and the kind of marriage we have is solid. One of the worries that went through my mind after the news of his diagnosis was starting to settle in was that our relationship may not survive, as so many relationships tend to fall apart when a major life-changing event is introduced. But I've had confirmation over the past few days that this trial will make our marriage virtually indestructible. It's not to say that it's the reason for our trial, but rather it is a blessing of our trial.

I feel guilty that I am not the strength to build Jake up, but that he is the strength that builds me up. I am continually trying to think of ways that I can help make his trial easier or more comfortable, but he's so amazing that his discomfort so far is minimal. We do not expect this to be the case the whole time, but it's just another blessing during this ordeal. It's also another confirmation that he will get through this.

I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to meet and marry this man. He has made me want to be a better person all the way around. He is supportive and pleasant and infinitely happy. I can't imagine life without him, and I look forward to many, many years of happiness with him.

Leukemia Awareness (among other things)

I was doing some research into leukemia and leukemia awareness. We all know that breast cancer awareness month is October, but how many knew that September is leukemia awareness month? I will admit that I did not before today, but since I became painfully aware of leukemia and how it affects patients and families on September 28th, I'm pretty sure I will never forget. I was also recently informed that the leukemia color is orange. I had intentions on changing my blog format/design at some point, but since I coincidentally chose these beautiful orange colors to represent my blog, I think it will stay for a while.

There are so many great fundraisers for the cause of finding a cure for leukemia and other liquid tumors. The first I'm aware of is coming up on October 13, 2012. My friend, Jenna is heading Team Jake Newren, and you can find more information here. So if you're interested in donating to find a cure, Light the Night is a great event.

Today has proven to be extremely hard and emotional for me. Before Jake was diagnosed, I decided I was going to make an attempt at becoming healthy. One of the ways I chose to do this was by signing up for a "boot camp" where I attend a fitness class twice a week and follow several other requirements outlined by the instructors. I completed my first week last week. The thought had crossed my mind to try to see what I can do to postpone my participation until next session, but after discussing with Jake and other family members, we have all decided that it's best that I keep going. If nothing else, it will allow for a little "me" time to help keep me grounded and sane. This class happens to be 20 minutes away from me, and in the opposite direction from where Jake is staying. As a result, I am unable to go up to visit Jake at least twice a week. Since this is the first day that I have not seen him, and since it's also the first day that I've had time to sit and think, it's been a very rough day.

I also received our first medical bill today, which leads to me having to make decisions I didn't think I'd have to make for a while. I'm faced with deciding on whether it's more beneficial to my family to pick up a full time job, or continue to be full time mom. I honestly don't know what to do.

On the other hand, my mom called with news of yet another tender mercy that was gifted to us by a family friend. They claim it's not much, but to us, it means a lot. So, thank you so much, Jay and Charlene! It really is so very appreciated, and so much more than we could have asked for.

We continue to be grateful for all your prayers and love. I'm grateful for the opportunity to meet so many new and amazing people. The Lord works in mysterious and amazing ways.