Lessons of 2012 (Jake update at the end)

It's the end of the year. It's the time for people to discuss how next year is going to be so much better than the last, or to make promises to themselves that rarely last more than a couple of months (I know. I've been there). I find myself in a much different position this year than in years past. I still have goals, and I still have things that I plan to improve upon, but I find the attitude behind it is so much different than it has been in the past.

Since Jake's diagnosis, the biggest thing that has changed with me is a deeper appreciation for people in general, and an attitude of gratitude. Those of you who know me personally know that I'm almost an expert at keeping people at arms length (or even greater distance). There's a huge back story with that, but this isn't the place. What it comes down to is that I just couldn't trust people and their intentions. As a result, I had a really hard time trusting that people genuinely wanted to help. It has been such a hard thing for me to let people in with this, but I am ever so grateful for what everyone has done for us. Basic tasks such as cooking and cleaning (which is more necessary than ever now) have become difficult for me, and I'm so grateful for those people who are willing and able to help out, and to do so with a smile.

I also have greater compassion for people, and a better understanding that everyone has their own struggles. You'd think that as a nurse, the compassion part should have been innate. It wasn't. I thought I had it, but it's been something I've struggled with for a while. Since the diagnosis, I find myself wanting to give help wherever I can. I get turned down a lot, but I'm always glad that I've been in a position to lend a hand. And I also find I'm more willing to give my spare change to the beggar on the street. I've decided that it's not my business what he does with it, at least my heart was in the right place when I decided to give him that money, and it was done with a sincere desire to help.

I feel like this is turning into a braggart post, and that is not my intention. I guess my intention is to recognize that even challenging years can turn into good ones if we let ourselves absorb the lessons that are available to us. This year--although not my most challenging ever-- has been a difficult one, but I'm amazed at how much I have been able to learn from it. I am so grateful for all of you, for your patience with me and for your willingness to help out without so much as a grumble (at least not that I've seen ;) ). I'm still learning, and probably will for the rest of my life, but it's getting there.

As far as an update on Jake goes: He is doing better now than I've seen him in a long time. I think last time I blogged, we anticipated the transplant process to begin 12/30. Well, that didn't happen. For those of you who have not heard, I will start at the beginning.

After Jake had his appendix out, a few days went by before we received a phone call from the surgeon. He told Jake that the pathologist could not identify any appendix cells in the "mass" that they removed. As a result, they wanted to get a CT scan to verify removal of the appendix. That was done on a very busy day of meetings and tests to prepare for transplant. (Odd side note; Jake still has his appendix. The "mass" was just infection on the lining of the gut. Obviously, this doesn't happen often and so Jake is a bit of a medical oddity.)

The next day, we received a phone call from the oncologist, and she said that they were concerned about the inflammation in his gut, and felt it best to take him off one of the medications and give his body time to heal before doing the transplant. We have pushed back the time of transplant for 2 weeks, though we have not received verification of the date. We will keep you all posted, though. For now, life is good, and we're just enjoying the time off! We wish you a Happy New Year, and hope all is well.

Donors and Appy and Hair, OH MY!

It's been a while, and I realized that not everyone gets the Facebook updates, so I thought I'd update here as well.

First, Jake still is actually hanging onto his hair, though it's thinning quite a bit. He was tired of finding long strands of hair everywhere, so we took the clippers to it after last chemo treatment. He still has his goatee, and I surprisingly really like his new look. I say surprisingly because when we were first dating, he buzzed his head. I hated it so much, that I threatened him that I'd leave if he ever did it again. (haha) Maybe it's partly the fact that I've been expecting him to be bald at some point, so I was able to accept it better. Regardless, I do like it.

Second, Jake has had the pleasure of experiencing acute appendicitis. He went in for surgery this morning. I don't have an update on that, yet, but will update as soon as I am able. *Update* Jake is out of surgery, back in his room, and "out of it" as he says. Seems to be doing well otherwise.

Now for the exciting news: A donor has been found! Jake is scheduled to start the process of total body irradiation with another chemo on 12/30/12. Until then, there are a lot of appointments and blood draws and all kinds of running around. And a lot of nerves. I'm anxious to get this part of it over with. We anticipate about 6 weeks of hospital stay, and 100 days post transplant of being in a bubble. So, as a reminder, if you are sick or have been around anyone who has been sick or know of a person who knows of a person who is sick, please don't come visit. We love you, but we also love Jake living better than dead. If you feel like "visiting" through other methods such as Facetime or Skype, I'm sure that would be an option. Just work it out with him to see what his day looks like.

I had an interesting thought last night. For many of you, this may be a "Duh!" thought, but for me, it was a little new. I know that so many times we trust that God will get us through our various trials, and He does. But for some reason I always had the thought (expectiation?) that if we prayed hard enough about it, it would be done comfortably and with little pain. I was introduced to a music video last night that really opened my eyes regarding this. The song was Do You Have Room by Shawna Edwards. Ok, I know that back then there weren't hospitals and epidurals and all the stuff that can make us comfortable in childbirth, but here Mary was, about to deliver the Son of God, and there was no room anywhere. Sure, I'm sure God could have created room, or some luxury suite for the delivery of His Son, but He didn't. Jesus was born in a stable, with dirty animals and dirty animal stink and cold, drafty air... It was anything but comfortable. Imagine if the story was changed just a little, if Jesus was born in a luxury suite with lots of beautiful clothing, things more "fit" for a King. I wonder if the significance of His birth even would have changed. Or maybe the wrong people would decide to believe simply because of the possessions.

It's easy to desire comfort or smooth sailing through our trials. But would our lessons remain the same? Would we have the same life application following the trial if it were easier? Or would it even be a trial? Anyway. I hope my thoughts weren't too far off track. Really, it was just a bit of an eye-opener for me.

We have been blessed so far, and so far relatively comfortable (Relatively being the key word....Jake has been uncomfortable, but faring much better than many of his cohabitants of East 8). We hope all is well with you and yours, and may the Spirit of Christmas take hold of your hearts this year. I know it has mine.