It's the end of the year. It's the time for people to discuss how next year is going to be so much better than the last, or to make promises to themselves that rarely last more than a couple of months (I know. I've been there). I find myself in a much different position this year than in years past. I still have goals, and I still have things that I plan to improve upon, but I find the attitude behind it is so much different than it has been in the past.
Since Jake's diagnosis, the biggest thing that has changed with me is a deeper appreciation for people in general, and an attitude of gratitude. Those of you who know me personally know that I'm almost an expert at keeping people at arms length (or even greater distance). There's a huge back story with that, but this isn't the place. What it comes down to is that I just couldn't trust people and their intentions. As a result, I had a really hard time trusting that people genuinely wanted to help. It has been such a hard thing for me to let people in with this, but I am ever so grateful for what everyone has done for us. Basic tasks such as cooking and cleaning (which is more necessary than ever now) have become difficult for me, and I'm so grateful for those people who are willing and able to help out, and to do so with a smile.
I also have greater compassion for people, and a better understanding that everyone has their own struggles. You'd think that as a nurse, the compassion part should have been innate. It wasn't. I thought I had it, but it's been something I've struggled with for a while. Since the diagnosis, I find myself wanting to give help wherever I can. I get turned down a lot, but I'm always glad that I've been in a position to lend a hand. And I also find I'm more willing to give my spare change to the beggar on the street. I've decided that it's not my business what he does with it, at least my heart was in the right place when I decided to give him that money, and it was done with a sincere desire to help.
I feel like this is turning into a braggart post, and that is not my intention. I guess my intention is to recognize that even challenging years can turn into good ones if we let ourselves absorb the lessons that are available to us. This year--although not my most challenging ever-- has been a difficult one, but I'm amazed at how much I have been able to learn from it. I am so grateful for all of you, for your patience with me and for your willingness to help out without so much as a grumble (at least not that I've seen ;) ). I'm still learning, and probably will for the rest of my life, but it's getting there.
As far as an update on Jake goes: He is doing better now than I've seen him in a long time. I think last time I blogged, we anticipated the transplant process to begin 12/30. Well, that didn't happen. For those of you who have not heard, I will start at the beginning.
After Jake had his appendix out, a few days went by before we received a phone call from the surgeon. He told Jake that the pathologist could not identify any appendix cells in the "mass" that they removed. As a result, they wanted to get a CT scan to verify removal of the appendix. That was done on a very busy day of meetings and tests to prepare for transplant. (Odd side note; Jake still has his appendix. The "mass" was just infection on the lining of the gut. Obviously, this doesn't happen often and so Jake is a bit of a medical oddity.)
The next day, we received a phone call from the oncologist, and she said that they were concerned about the inflammation in his gut, and felt it best to take him off one of the medications and give his body time to heal before doing the transplant. We have pushed back the time of transplant for 2 weeks, though we have not received verification of the date. We will keep you all posted, though. For now, life is good, and we're just enjoying the time off! We wish you a Happy New Year, and hope all is well.
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